i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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