Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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