I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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