hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
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It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
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Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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