Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize