Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize