dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
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DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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