dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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