I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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