thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
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I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
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So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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