how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
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Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
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You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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