she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Boobs are out for the taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize