you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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