Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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