I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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