don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
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I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize