Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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