I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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