it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Your penis caused this!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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