remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize