You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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