I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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