I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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