end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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