Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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