Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
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You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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