Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
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I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
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Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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