Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
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IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
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making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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