she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
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buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
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I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I want a musical about memes.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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