Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
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I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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