Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
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Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
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Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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