it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize