very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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