btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
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I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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