This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
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What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
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Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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