I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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