Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra

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(618): View more from Illinois

here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...

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(802): View more from Vermont

It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.

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(626): View more from California

yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(248): View more from Michigan

I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.

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(253): View more from Washington

You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".

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(209): View more from California

Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?

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