When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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