I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize