we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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