Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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