Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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