hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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