So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled if crying burns calories
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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