i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
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She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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