Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize