Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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