After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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