i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize