If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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